Ten Best Things To Say If You Get Caught Sleeping At Your Desk:

10. "They told me at the blood bank this might happen."

9. "This is just a 15 minute power-nap like they raved
about in that time management course you sent me to."

8. "Whew! Guess I left the top off the White-Out.
You probably got here just in time!"

7. "I wasn't sleeping! I was meditating on the mission statement
and envisioning a new paradigm."

6. "I was testing my keyboard for drool resistance."

5. "I was doing a highly specific Yoga exercise to relieve
work-related stress. Are you discriminatory toward
people who practice Yoga?"

4. "Why did you interrupt me? I had almost figured out a
solution to our biggest problem."

3. "The coffee machine is broken..."

2. "Someone must've put decaf in the wrong pot..."

And the #1 best thing to say if you get caught sleeping at your desk...

1. " ... in Jesus' name. Amen."

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21 Things You Wish You Could Say At Work

1. I can see your point, but I still think you're full of it.

2. I have plenty of talent and vision.
I just don't care.

3. It sounds like English, but I can't understand a word.

4. I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate
yourself in public.

5. Ahh, I see the screw up fairy has visited again.

6. You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers.

7. I'm already visualising the duct tape over your mouth.

8. The fact that no one understands you doesn't mean you're an artist.

9. Someday we'll look back on this, laugh nervously
and change the subject.

10. I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you.

11. I don't know what your problem is, but I'll
bet it's hard to pronounce.

12. Any connection between your reality and mine
is purely coincidental.

13. I like you. You remind me of when I was young and stupid.

14. What am I? Flypaper for geeks?

15. I'm not being rude. You're just insignifigant.

16. Thank you. We're all refreshed and challenged by your
unique point of view.

17. It's a thankless job, but I've got Karma to burn off.

18. No, my powers can be used only for good.

19. I'm really easy to get along with once people
learn to worship me.

20. Who me? I just wander from room to room.

21. How about "never"? Is "never" good for you?

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Expressions For HIGH Stress Days

1. Not the brightest crayon in the box now are we?

2. Do I look like a people person??

3. This isn't an office, it's Satan's place with bad lighting.

4. I pretend to work. They pretend to pay me.

5. YOU!! Off my planet!

6. Did the aliens forget to remove the probe?

7. And your crybaby whiny opinion would be..?

8. How many times do I have to flush before you go away?

9. Aw, did I step on your poor little bitty ego?

10. How do I set laser printer to stun?

11. When I want your opinion, I'll give it to you.

12. Earth is full..GO HOME!

13. I'm not tense, just terribly, terribly alert