Check back often for the latest zest of Woman Power!!
Last Updated: 6/3/08
- *** I Am Woman! ****
- A Strong Woman Versus A Woman of Strength
- Bumper Stickers For Women
- How To Drive Men Crazy!
- Top 10 Reasons God Created Eve
- What Women Want in Men
- Dump-A-Man Form
- 10 Things Women Understand
- So Many Men...
- Never Argue With A Woman
- The many Moods of a ... (Woman vs. Man)
- Advice from Women to Men
- Advice from Men to Women
- All About Men
- All About Men - Part 2
- Courses In Teaching Men
- La Difference!
- Words Women Use (And What They Mean)
- The Sex of the Computer
- If Men Could Get Pregnant
- About Men
- Who Understand Men?
- Don't Mess With Women Drivers!
- The Guy Dictionary
- If Dr. Seuss Was A Woman...
- He Said, She Said
- A Man's IQ
- Hats Off To Women
- Tribute to Woman
- Why Women Stay Single
- He Said, She Said - Part 2
- A Girl's Bedtime Prayer
- A Woman's Poem
A STRONG WOMAN VERSUS A WOMAN OF STRENGTH
A strong woman works out every day to keep her body in shape
... but a woman of strength kneels in prayer to keep her soul in shape...A strong woman isn't afraid of anything
... but a woman of strength shows courage in the midst of her fear...A strong woman won't let anyone get the best of her
... but a woman of strength gives the best of her to everyone...A strong woman makes mistakes and avoids the same in the future
...but a woman of strength realizes life's mistakes can also be God's blessings and capitalizes on them...A strong woman walks sure footedly
...but a woman of strength knows God will catch her when she falls...A strong woman wears the look of confidence on her face
...but a woman of strength wears grace...A strong woman has faith that she is strong enough for the journey
... but a woman of strength has faith that it is in the journey that she will become strong...
Bumper Stickers For Women
SO MANY MEN, SO FEW WHO CAN AFFORD ME.
--
IF YOU WANT BREAKFAST IN BED,
SLEEP IN THE KITCHEN.
--
DON'T TREAT ME ANY DIFFERENTLY
THAN YOU WOULD THE QUEEN.
--
GOD MADE US SISTERS;
PROZAC MADE US FRIENDS.
--
PRINCESS, HAVING HAD SUFFICIENT
EXPERIENCE WITH PRINCES, SEEKS FROG.
--
COFFEE, CHOCOLATE, MEN
SOME THINGS ARE JUST BETTER RICH.
--
DINNER IS READY WHEN THE SMOKE ALARM GOES OFF.
--
HOW CAN I MISS YOU IF YOU WON'T GO AWAY?
--
GUYS HAVE FEELINGS TOO.
BUT LIKE...WHO CARES?
--
NEXT MOOD SWING
6 MINUTES
--
AND YOUR POINT IS...?
--
WARNING: I HAVE AN ATTITUDE AND I KNOW HOW TO USE IT.
--
OF COURSE I DON'T LOOK BUSY
I DID IT RIGHT THE FIRST TIME.
--
DO NOT START WITH ME.
YOU WILL NOT WIN.
--
SORRY IF I LOOK INTERESTED.
I'M NOT
How To Drive Men Crazy!
1. Do not say what you mean. Ever.
2. Cry. Cry often.
3. Bring things up that were said, done, or thought years, months,
or decades ago...or with other boyfriends.
4. Make them apologize for everything.
5. Get mad at them for everything.
6. Demand to be called or e-mailed. Often.
Whine when they don't comply.
7. Use daddy as a weapon. Tell them about
his gun collection, his quick trigger finger,
and his affection for his Little Princess.
8. Be late for everything. Yell if they're late.
9. Criticize the way they dress.
10. Talk about your ex-boyfriend 24 - 7. Compare and contrast.
Top 10 Reasons God Created Eve
10. Adam would frequently become lost in the garden
because he would not ask for directions.
9. One day Adam would require someone to
locate and hand him the remote.
8. Adam would never go out and buy himself a new fig
leaf when his wore out and would therefore need
Eve to buy one for him.
7. Adam would never be able to make a doctor's,
dentist's or haircut appointment by himself.
6. Adam would never remember which night
to put the garbage on the curb.
5. If the world was to be populated, men would never
be able to handle the pain and discomfort of childbearing.
4. As the Keeper of the Garden, Adam would never remember
where he left his tools.
3. Adam needed someone to blame his troubles on
when God caught him hiding in the garden.
2. As the Bible says, "It is not good for man to be alone."
1. When God finished the creation of Adam,
He stepped back, scratched his head, and said,
"I can do better than that."
What Women Want in Men
Original List (age 22):
1. Handsome
2. Charming
3. Financially successful
4. A caring listener
5. Witty
6. In good shape
7. Dresses with style
8. Appreciates finer things
9. Full of thoughtful surprises
10. An imaginative, romantic lover
Revised List (age 32):
1. Nice looking (prefer hair on his head)
2. Opens car doors, holds chairs
3. Has enough money for a nice dinner
4. Listens more than talks
5. Laughs at my jokes
6. Carries bags of groceries with ease
7. Owns at least one tie
8. Appreciates a good home-cooked meal
9. Remembers birthdays and anniversaries
10. Seeks romance at least once a week
Revised List (age 42):
1. Not too ugly (bald head OK)
2. Doesn't drive off until I'm in the car
3. Works steady -- splurges on dinner out occasionally
4. Nods head when I'm talking
5. Usually remembers punch lines of jokes
6. Is in good enough shape to rearrange the furniture
7. Wears a shirt that covers his stomach
8. Knows not to buy champagne with screw-top lids
9. Remembers to put the toilet seat down
10. Shaves most weekends
Revised List (age 52):
1. Keeps hair in nose and ears trimmed
2. Doesn't belch or scratch in public
3. Doesn't borrow money too often
4. Doesn't nod off to sleep when I'm venting
5. Doesn't re-tell the same joke too many times
6. Is in good enough shape to get off couch on weekends
7. Usually wears matching socks and fresh underwear
8. Appreciates a good TV dinner
9. Remembers my name on occasion
10. Shaves some weekends
Revised List (age 62):
1. Doesn't scare small children
2. Remembers where bathroom is
3. Doesn't require much money for upkeep
4. Only snores lightly when asleep
5. Remembers why he's laughing
6. Is in good enough shape to stand up by himself
7. Usually wears clothes
8. Likes soft foods
9. Remembers where he left his teeth
10. Remembers that it's the weekend
Revised List (age 72):
1. Breathing
2. Doesn't miss the toilet
10 Things Women Understand
10) Why it's good to have five pairs of black shoes.
9) The difference between cream, ivory, and off-white.
8) Crying can be fun.
7) FAT CLOTHES.
6) A salad, diet drink, and a hot fudge sundae make a balanced lunch.
5) Discovering a designer dress on the clearance rack can be considered a "peak life experience".
4) The inaccuracy of every bathroom scale ever made.
3) A good man might be hard to find, but a good hairdresser is next to impossible.
2) Why a phone call between two women never lasts under ten minutes.
1) And the number one thing that only women understand:
OTHER WOMEN!
A couple went on vacation to a fishing resort up north.
The husband liked to fish at the crack of dawn.
The wife liked to read.
One morning the husband returned after several hours of
fishing and decided to take a short nap. Although she
wasn't familiar with the lake, the wife decided
to take the boat. She rowed out a short distance,
anchored, and returned to reading her book.
Along came the sheriff in his boat.
He pulled up alongside her and said,
"Good morning, Ma'am. What are you doing?"
"Reading my book," she replied...as she thought to herself,
"duh -- isn't it obvious?"
"You're in a restricted fishing area," he informed her.
"But officer, I'm not fishing. Can't you see that?"
"Yes, but you have all the equipment.
I'll have to take you in and write you up."
"If you do that, I'll have to charge you with rape,"
snapped the irate woman.
"But, I haven't even touched you," groused the sheriff.
"Yes, that's true, she replied, "but you do have all the equipment."
MORAL: Never argue with a woman who knows how to read.
It's likely she can also think
Woman:
An angel of truth and a dream of fiction,
a woman is a bundle of contradiction,
she's afraid of a wasp, will scream at a mouse,
but will tackle her boyfriend alone in the house.
She'll take him for better, she'll take him for worse
she'll break open his head and then be his nurse
but when he's well and can get out of bed
she'll pick up the tea-pot and aim for his head.
Beautiful and keenly sighted, yet blind,
crafty and cruel, yet simple and kind
she'll call him a king, then make him a clown,
raise him on a pedestal, then knock him flat down.
She'll inspire him to deeds that ennoble man,
or make him her lackey to carry her fan.
She'll run away from him and never come back
but if he runs away, then she'll be on his tracks
sour as vinegar, sweet as a rose,
she'll kiss you one minute, then turn up her nose,
she'll win you in range, enchant you in silk,
she'll be stronger than brandy, milder than milk
at times she'll be vengeful, merry and sad,
she'll hate you like poison, and love you
like mad.
(The few Moods of a) Man:
Tired.
Horny.
1. Introduction to Common Household Objects I: The Mop
2. Introduction to Common Household Objects II: The Sponge
3. Dressing Up: Beyond the Funeral and the Wedding
4. Refrigerator Forensics: Identifying and Removing the Dead
5. Design Pattern or Splatter Stain on the Linoleum? :
You CAN Tell the Difference!
6. If It's Empty, You Can Throw It Away: Accepting Loss I
7. If the Milk Expired Three Weeks Ago, Keeping It In the
Refrigerator Won't Bring It Back: Accepting Loss II
8. Going to the Supermarket: It's Not Just for Women Anymore!
9. Recycling Skills I: Boxes that the Electronics Came In
10. Recycling Skills II: Styrofoam that Came in the Boxes
that the Electronics Came In
11. Bathroom Etiquette I: How to Remove Beard Clippings from the Sink
12. Bathroom Etiquette II: Let's Wash Those Towels!
13. Bathroom Etiquette III: Five Easy Ways to Tell When
You're About to Run Out of Toilet Paper!
14. Giving Back to the Community: How to Donate 15-Year-Old
Levis to Goodwill
15. Retro? Or Just Hideous?: Re-examining Your 1970s Polyester Shirts
16. No, The Dishes Won't Wash Themselves: Knowing the 4
Limitations of Your Kitchenware
17. Romance: More Than a Cable Channel!
18. Strange But True!: She Really May NOT Care What
"Fourth Down and Ten" Means
19. Going Out to Dinner: Beyond the Pizza Hut
20. Expand Your Entertainment Options:
Renting Movies That Don't Fall Under the "Action/Adventure"
Category or Selecting movies that don't star John Wayne on television
21. Yours, Mine, and Ours: Sharing the Remote
22. "I Could Have Played a Better Game Than That!": Why Women Laugh
23. Adventures in Housekeeping I: Let's Clean the Closet
24. Adventures in Housekeeping II: Let's Clean Under the Bed
25. "I Don't Know": Be the First Man to Say It!
26. The Gas Gauge in Your Car: Sometimes Empty MEANS Empty
27. Directions: It's Okay to Ask for Them
28. Listening: It's Not Just Something You Do During Halftime
29. Accepting Your Limitations: Just Because You Have Power Tools
Doesn't Mean You Can Fix It!
Now I lay me down to sleep I pray the Lord
my shape to keep.Please no wrinkles, Please no bags
And please lift my butt before it sags.
Please no age spots, Please no gray
And as for my belly, Please take it away.
Please keep me healthy, Please keep me young,
And thank you Dear Lord, For all that you've done.Five tips for a woman....
1. It is important that a man helps you around the house and has a job.
2. It is important that a man makes you laugh.
3. It is important to find a man you can count on and doesn't lie to You.
4. It is important that a man loves you and spoils you.
5. It is important that these four men don't know each other!Foot Note:
One saggy boob said to the other saggy boob:
'If we don't get some support soon, people will think we're nuts.'
He didn't like the casserole
And he didn't like my cake.
He said my biscuits were too hard...
Not like his mother used to make.I didn't perk the coffee right
He didn't like the stew,
I didn't mend his socks
The way his mother used to do.I pondered for an answer,
I was looking for a clue.
Then I turned around and smacked the sh*t out of him...
Like his mother used to do. . . .
